Revenge

When I was nine, my mother, father and I went to see my grandparents for Thanksgiving.  My aunt and uncle arrived and brought my little cousin, who is a ball of evil and has little or no boundaries.

But I didn't know this at the time. My Aunt had made me the most beautiful plate of delicious Barney-shaped cookies and told me that they were mine...and only mine.

In the utter bliss of the turkey and lovely cookies to come, I danced around the kitchen and ran to tell my mother about my Aunt's gift.  When I returned from my short outing, something was amiss.

I noticed my small cousin inching slyly towards my cookies.

I stared in utter cataclysmic disbelief as she picked up each cookie from the plate, licked it and set it back down.

Around this time, my small body went through a massive implosion of anger and frustrations.  One of my eye shrank while the other eye bulged and rolled of my head. I also grew fangs and fire exploded in every direction. 

My poor, little, 2 year old cousin was in mortal danger, for the furious beast that I had transformed into's main goal was to rip her apart to avenge my sweet Barney cookies.  She was going down.

But how...

And then it hit me like a large steam truck.

I remembered my cousin's intense fascination with her Barbie doll that she carried around at all times.  Since she was busy desecrating my possessions, her Barbie was no where in sight.  

REVENGE

I crept to her room, and found the Barbie on her bed. 

And so the lick fest of on.

I licked the hell out of that barbie. I licked its face, I licked its arms, I licked its legs, and finally when there was no more ground to cover, I stuck the entirety of the Barbie's head in my mouth.

While I was smiling to myself about the success of my ninja licking attack on my cousin, my family walked in.

And there I was...

We haven't been back to my grandparents for Thanksgiving since, partly because my grandparents were worried about my mental stability, my aunt and uncle were worried about their daughters mental health after the incident, and my mother was mortified.  But mostly because I gaged on Barbies head when my family walked in and puked on my grandparent's 3000 dollar rug.

Revenge, as it turns out, is not so sweet.

The Authenticity and Legality of What I am About to Write

Well, now that I have finally created a title that seems suitable for this post, which took me far too long, I will actually START writing about the items that the title describes.  

Last night, I went and saw the movie Easy A for the second time.  For some reason, I got extremely inspired and decided I would try writing about myself on the internet..just for shits and giggles. Also, my friend in France has a blog going about her time there and the trials and tribulations of being an english speaking person in the land of berets and escargot.  I, however, have no apparent reason for writing this blog, and I will never come up with one.  I will leave this up to interpretation.  

I don't really know what this blog is about, but I am planning on having a truly sensational new post every week.

There is really nothing interesting going on in my life, but then again, if you are reading this, we are most likely in the same boat. So read away, my sad bored friend, read away...

Well just to take up space and time, I'll list 20 unapparent things you will not need to know about me.

TWENTY THINGS YOU WILL NOT NEED TO KNOW:
1.  My favorite snack is apples with peanut butter.
2.  I love using big words because it comforts me with the thought that I may possibly be smarter than my teachers have predicted and MAY make some sort of significant contribution to society one of these days.
3.  I will probably not make a significant contribution to society one of these days, but I feel as if i should at least put in a good-faith effort.
4.  If I could, I would put a picture of a dinosaur after every sentence on this blog.  Unfortunately, I cannot even figure out how to change the fonts, but if my computer genius skills kick in anytime soon, dinosaurs will appear.
5.  I sleep with a small stuffed animal lamb.  Her name is Bo-Peep and she is made of llama fuzz.
6.  My preferred utensil of use is a spoon. I have also tried to play the spoons.  If you do not know what I mean, google it.  Thats what google is there for, to look up random things that you don't really care about, just to see if the search engine is really as smart as it claims.
7.  I can only draw one thing.  Plankton from Spongebob.  I learned when I was 8 and I never forgot.  I am beginning to think I should learn to draw something else, for my teachers think something is wrong with me when I turn in all of my assignments with Planktons strategically place so that i am not physically able to answer the questions that i do not know the answers for.
8.  I am in French 5 Honors Seminar and the only complete sentences that I am able to structure are "J'ai envie de baiser, mais tu t'on fous" and "J'ai attrape des crabes!" which roughly translate (according to my teacher) to "I am in the mood to have sex, but you dont give a shit" and "I caught crabs." Basically, I am the most advanced student in the class and should get an A+.
9.  I own all of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies and have watched each of them on average about 35 times because of years of insomnia and impossible math homework.
10.  If I could, I would have a pet unicorn and i would name her DeeDee...and she would wear ballet slippers and let me paint her.
11.  I can make an almost realistic Pterodactyl noise.  That sentence doesn't make sense BECAUSE I am not sure we know what Pterodactyls even sounded like. So correction. I can make an amazing sound that I believe would have come out of a Pterodactyl's mouth in the Jurassic Period.
12.  I still know all the theme songs of the shows I watched as a kid. i.e. Out of the Box, Bear in the Big Blue House, CatDog, Angry Beavers, Hey Arnold, Doug, The Comfy Couch, and many others..Once learned a song never leaves my mind.
13.  I am truly obsessed with the shows: Bones, NCIS, Lie to Me, Sherlock, Pretty Little Liars, and occasionally when I am in the mood for some bad one liners and dramatic sunglasses removals I will feast over CSI Miami.
14.  I have been in 5 going on 6 musicals and 2 going on 3 straight plays. (straight play- a play without music, not a play without gay people)
15.  I own 48 movies that I have bought myself.  I know what you are thinking WHY WOULD YOU SPEND SO MUCH ON MOVIES!?!? because: Hollywood video was going out of business, so I went everyday, stalked to prices, and bought them out....also I am the biggest movie buff ever. IMDB is my homepage...
16.  I took 2 years of Capoeira in the 5th and 6th grade, when the PE teachers discovered I was too uncoordinated to play simple games like kickball and tag.  So of course, they believed Brazilian Martial Arts would be my area of expertise.
17.  I have a giant cardboard cutout of Johnny Depp in my room. Its him as a pirate. :)
18.  I listen to a CD in the car that has the p]Pirates of the Caribbean theme song, Sherlock Holmes theme song, and many others on it.  It makes me feel like I am battling the road ahead and winning, since most of the time I continue forward.
19.  I have to sleep with a fan on, not because I am hot, but because I do not like silence, mostly because of the many scary movies my friends have forced me to watch. If you have an overactive imagination, never NEVER watch Friday the 13th.  It took me 2 months to feel comfortable going to the bathroom by myself.
20.  I have freckles. :s

I figured it out.
          This is the creature I sound like.
                            It is an utterly fabulous sound.
                                                  If you are ever lucky enough to hear it.
                                                                       Like this one seventh grade boy that is freaked out.
                                                                                                       It was fun. I think I really scarred him.

LOOK! A SCAR OF WORDS!

Im going to be so famous :)

<3 toodles!